So here it is Wednesday and I am already two days behind in writing my post for the week. To be totally truthful I am struggling with how I can share my experience with Santosha, or contentment, the first of the Niyamas. I am feeling frustrated and mucky and 100% not content.
I recently discovered that someone got paid for something I did not. They rightly asked for more money and I, being totally naive to the fact that I could, did not. I was mad at myself for not even thinking to do so and furious at myself for belittling my worth. I was and still am frustrated at the realization that I can no longer participate in something which I loved because of this monetary discrepancy. This situation does not make me feel content it makes me feel sad and upset.
I am struggling with the coaches for one of my elves teams as they are not always treating players fairly. They are playing their kids, they are affecting the games and putting their own needs first over those of the tweens in their stead. There is no contentment here, only frustration.
These two situations are swarming over me the I have moments to myself. I am beating myself up for letting other people control my moods. They are taking my contentment away because I am not focusing on my own roles, and here is the kicker: the Niyamas are about self-observations.
To find contentment we have to step away from the practice of looking at others to bring us joy. We have to stop hoping for them to change, to put us first and to be who we hope they will be. Instead, we have to follow the niyama santosha and truly look within for that peace. We have to dive into our own selves to see what WE can do to find contentment.
I have to accept that I made a mistake by not honoring my worth in the financial situation I described above. I have to see that such a reaction does not bring me contentment, but rather a feeling of lack and frustration. I have to clearly shift my perspective to ask in any future business moments: what do I need to feel content and honor my worth to do this job? In realizing this different perspective I can feel santosha about taking control of a bad situation and stopping the mental spinning it created.
I had a long conversation with my elf about the coach and how he can find contentment on the field despite this situation. I reminded him that the real contentment comes from knowledge that he is skilled and kind, hard working and a team player. I reminded him that if he shows up in every way, then he can feel content that he is doing his best . In sharing this advice I can enjoy some contentment that I am helping him to find a space where he can learn and grow.
Santosha, like all the yamas, is a practice. It is easy and accessible on certain days and buried deep like a treasure on others. What is most important to remember is that santosha comes from within and cannot be given to us by others. we must examine every situation to know how we can change our reactions, roles and perceptions to find contentment. We hold the key to santosha for ourselves, we just have to remember we do.
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