It is day four of an elf long weekend and they have not had a full week of school in I cannot even remember when. It is too cold to play outside and we are all going a skosh stir crazy.
Today I am diving inside and trying to explore my satya, my truth.
Last week around this time I began a journey home from Sedona that took me over a day (read 24+ hours), traveling constantly nearly the whole time. I never wanted to get home more in my life. My guy was in Baltimore, the elves with our amazing babysitter for a night/day and I was stuck getting creative with travel due to yet another big snow storm. The irony was, I had been counting the moments to a.) be by myself and b.) travel to Sedona to teach. And now all I wanted to do was be with my elves and be home.
My Satya is that I have not found the balance between needing the roots, ease, familiarity and comfort of being with family and the desire to travel far and wide. As each trip gets planned for me to take by myself to teach or study I get beyond excited at the possibility. But as those moments get closer I dread leaving my crew, my home, my bed, my guy. Once I am gone I enjoy the distance, but I often feel guilty leaving everyone else behind at home.
Today I am home with the elves and we have been here, up close and personal, for days. I am going nuts. The house is loud, the house is small and I have never felt more wanderlust or need for time by myself. Yet exactly one week ago when I had those things all I wanted was to be where I am right now.
I feel like those drivers with poor tires spinning in the snowbanks all over town: I am going nowhere fast and trying like heck to move forward while staying put.
So this is my satya: how do I grow and expand while keeping the comfort and ease of staying put? How do I balance these two different needs: the need to be far and solo and the need to stay home and together?
This e course has been a blessing for me in that it has allowed me to connect with yogis from all over (wanderlust and reach) while staying close to my roots, my elves, my furry one, my guy (home, roots). It is asking me to look deeply at what I need and what I have, what I should put ahead and what needs to be left behind. It is helping me craft some answers to the questions above, or at least to find a strategy to get to these answers.
Today I am pausing in Balasana to breathe and find that tiny space for myself, to shut out the video game and elf argument noises and to return to my center. I am grounded and rooted with visions of expansion and growth. For today that has to be my satya. Tomorrow, who knows what it will look like?
What truths are you struggling with? What are bubbling to the surface and which are you trying to keep hidden? What is your satya today, how does it look?