It is December, the last 31 days of 2012 and a great time to reflect, release and renew. I am also using these days to plot and plan my adventures and dreams for 2013. Rather than regret things that did not happen in 2012, I am choosing to celebrate the successes that came from even the most challenging of moments. There are events and actions I cannot change, there are steps backwards and many steps forward, and doors that have opened and ones that have shut. Like the ripples on a pond as it rains, 2012 brought movement and stillness. Both of these equally powerful in their effects.
For me 2012 has been like a pranayama practice filled with deeply satisfying, life giving inhales and releasing/easing exhales. I have been able to let go of an image of what makes me a “good yogi” and instead taken in the idea that where I am right now is right with totally open arms. I have accepted the boundaries my body will always create and learned how to gently move within these edges to find challenge and ease. I have learned to ask for what I want and let go of what I do not. I have asked for help, asked for connections and offered my work to others with trust. I have allowed myself to be featured and photographed. I have kept sacred what is just for me. I have practiced my yoga off the mat even more than I have practiced on it because it felt right. I have opened doors that were closed. I have found acceptance and have let go trying to chase another’s aspirations. I have found the paths that lead to MY dreams.
I have shed.
I have grown.
When I started 2012 I lacked real clarity about how to achieve what I needed for myself as an individual and how to make that happen within the confines of my community and even more my commitment to the elves, to my family. I struggled with longing to be places and do things I could not, yet failed to acknowledge that it was my choices that allowed me to arrive where I was. I felt unsatisfied and angry at times. Some days I had trouble breathing and had to remind myself to do this simple life saving action. I lived in my inhales and forgot to couple them with softening exhales.
Now I breathe deeply.
This morning as I drove to get coffee solo in the fog I realized how wonderful the lessons of 2012 have been. I have learned what balance of life and work is perfect for me. I have embraced my choices and rearranged others to find space for new opportunities. I have celebrated my connections and relished my solitude. I have climbed mountains, and tasted the sweet lightness of air at the top and in the same days lingered at the bottom in thick, mucky heaviness.
The fog was heavy and dense as I drove, like the challenges we all face on and off our mats every day. But as I got closer to places and trees they broke through the grey with a magical lightness that only fog can create. The trees looked strong and wise. They were clear and beautiful just as the understanding that the moments of 2012 has gifted me with today. I can see clearly now what these lessons have taught me.
2013 remains in the fog just as the coffee shop did when I was miles away from it. Clarity is visible in the present but I know the luminosity of the future will bring more strength and new hues to color my world.
I cannot wait to explore what the fog is currently hiding.
Derive happiness in oneself from a good day’s work, from illuminating the fog that surrounds us.