#findyourwings: Day 5 Moment of Truth
When I was in my early twenties I went on a trip for a month with my brother. We travelled to two countries, each for two weeks after he graduated from college. The first was my choice, a place I had dreamed about going all my life. The second was one he chose, a place he heard was magical and which scared me to death. We began in my dream location and from the moment we landed it was horrible. People were rude, everything we tried to do got thwarted, he got sick, we got hurt, and it was less than glorious. The second place we visited was indeed an oasis. Instead of being scary and dangerous, it was exotic, friendly and wonderful. It remains one of my favorite places ever.
I was reminded of this trip yesterday after an interaction that was less than ideal. I remembered the dream I had of that trip, the false ideas I had put on the first country we visited and the major disappointment I felt at the reality. The communication I had was in regards something I associated with promising possibilities. The reality was much less rosy.
Yet ,in both of these situations I reached that moment of truth where I realized that my expectations had clouded my gaze. My experience was not what was honest and in front of me, but instead was based upon what I thought things could have been. The country I visited, had I actually done some research, was notorious for being lame, and rude and disappointing. The interaction I had yesterday was not surprising but instead a repeat of similar situations with the same situation in the past. I had chosen to look through my own dreamy glasses rather than face these things head on for they were.
Both negative experiences however were gifts. The trip ended on a terrific high note because the second country we visited was even better after the first crummy two weeks in the disappointing one. The people were kinder, the food was tastier and the late buses and trains were easier to take.
Yesterday after venting to some of my wise friends (thank you , you know who you are) I sat in Sukhasana and took some deep breaths, calmed myself down and saw the truth of this yucky interaction. This door was not a closing, but rather a push to open others that are waiting and better. The negativity was not a reflection on me but rather a reminder of what good I have to share. It also brought back some direction on my path at a place where I was perhaps drifting slowly to the side.
This summer while we were on Cape Cod the eldest elf and I searched in ernest for sea glass to add to our collection. He was upset we found none until he looked carefully and saw two small heart shaped rocks. Unlike his vision of our beach walk, filled with twinkling blue and green glass, the reality was better and more meaningful. I placed those two heart rocks in a jar I look at hundreds of times a day to remind me that what we wish for is often not what we need and instead that should listen to the message of what we find.
The moment of truth when you realize that the fancy packaging you dress things up with in your mind is merely a figment of your fantasy is the moment you are able to look at the greatness you have in front of you. If you hope that your path is paved with golden bricks as it is in your dreams, it will always look disheveled and broken. However if you stop and look at the deep, rich red of the rectangles below your feet you will see the possibilities and promise that is ahead.
Today I see that promise. Today there is no golden wrapping on my path but just warm and strong support leading me to greatness. That, dear readers, is a real dream.
That is a truth. That is how I will find my wings.