Some days it is hard to find your yoga and you learn that the deepest work is off your mat.
Yesterday was one of those times. You see, a month ago someone stole the number from my business credit card and charged several hundred dollars to a company in England. I notified my card company it was fraud, got a new number and assumed it would be over. I thought I had taken power over the situation and that it would be resolved lickety split. It was not.
Yesterday, the first thing in the morning, I got a call from the British company (who had also been subject to this illegal card use since the personal had tried to buy something from them) AT HOME. They knew the state my billing address was in, and they knew my phone number which meant that the perpetrator also did. What was most odd is that the card number that was stolen is very minimally used by me. In other words: it would not have been that easy to get. To make a very long story short I contacted this company, my credit card company and ultimately the police. The British company told me they knew who had called in the order using my number and they had spoken to the local police. The card stealer lives in the town next to me, or at least the person who made purchase does. So I am left feeling vulnerable, icky and still completely unclear as to how my number got stolen. Did they get my mail? (But I got all my bills! ) Did they tap my phones? Was my wifi unsecured? I have no idea and neither do the police. I have been a bit freaked.
Yet, after 24 hours of pondering these questions, I realized today that I have no answers except that someone was desperate enough to risk getting caught using my number. I have felt sorry for them. I have felt angry that they entered my world. I have moved forward but not without restraint. I went shopping for my guy’s birthday and looked at each cashier with wary eyes. I watched what they did with my cards and their hands. I felt guilty and that my wariness was unfair to them. I spoke on the phone with trepidation and changed all the wifi passwords in the house.
I put up some boundaries and it stinks.
Power is a tricky thing. It can make you feel strong and badass, but it can also sap you of your comfort. It is important to make sure that you are aware of how you sense your own and whether someone can really rob you of it.
I am angry at the person who took my comfort away, who created a hassle for me to deal with and for their entering my world without my consent. However, at the same time I was given a renewed reminder of my own power to handle the situation in a way that works for me. I went and taught my Friday yoga class right after the call and was empowered by my yoga students. I was able to follow all the steps my credit card company suggested and I was able to notify the police. I do not have to pay for a several hundred dollar purchase and I got a new card. I went on with my day and did not look over my shoulder. I realized I never lost my power.
The furry elf has this thing she does every time I try to take her outside in the yard. She grabs something and plays a big game of “catch me if you can.” At first, when she started doing it I chased her around the room until I got mad. She called all the shots. But now, six months later I have learned her ways. The game is one of power: she wants to be in control of when she goes outside. So I do not chase her. I do not attempt to take away whatever she has, I let her eventually come to me. In the meantime I do other things until she is ready. When she does stop in front of me she feels as though she has the power to make the choice to go outside and I know I have the power because I have become wise to her ways.
Unlike the giant tree in our yard that fell down during Hurricane Irene two years ago, I decided not to let the winds of ick and deceit blow me to the ground. I am rooting deeply, I am firming up my resolve and I am moving forward. I am sitting in Sukhasana reminding myself that my power goes on & on. I am remembering my strength. I am softening my heart.
I am working hard on letting it go.
I feel sad for the person who stole my information even after all the hassle they caused me. They relinquished their power when they picked up the phone to use my card. They relinquished their power when they tried to be someone other than who they are.
This story is a lesson to look within for your power and not look around you for sources of power. Even more, it is a reminder to not let someone else take your power away in an attempt claim their own.
You have the power within you.
I have the power within me.